"Who would you rather have a beer with?"

Candidates for the Presidency are commonly said to be judged by voters based on the answer to the question "Who would you rather have a beer with?" But this is as unhelpful of a question as it is unrealistic.

Therefore, a diarist at Culture11 ponders replacements to the question, with suggestions such as "Which candidate would you trust more to sell you a used car?"

But if we are going to stick to questions about events that will never happen anyway, then the truest and best measure of a man — the thing that most reveals the character, personality archetype and leadership of a person— is "Who would you rather attempt to survive a Zombie Movie with?"

Or at least that is the right question for the Republican party. It turns out that zombie movies are cyclical, rising during Republican administrations only to be replaced by vampire movies during Democratic administrations.

So in a spirit of fairness and political balance, I offer this second question of character as a test for presidential candidates — "Were the candidates all vampires, who would you select as your liaison to the dark world of the undead, using them to hunt down fellow members of their breed, but always knowing that they might one day decide to make you into one of them?"